Wednesday, January 6, 2010

#90 – Skills every woman should know.

Apparently there are 75 skills that every woman should know. Esquire magazine did a list of 75 skills every man should master and someone was looking for a similar list for woman and without finding one to her liking she made one up. You can read the whole list here -

I hope in my life I can “master” a couple, but for this list I need to master 5.

Lately I have been in kind of a funk and wanting to make some changes for myself. I like who I am and all but lately I haven’t really even been myself. I’m having a really hard time getting through Nana’s death. And yes I am aware of the fact that she died in August, but she was my last living grandparent and I have just had to have my first birthday, Thanksgiving, and Christmas without grandparents and I didn’t particularly like that. That and the holidays are always hard on me because my brother was arrested November 20 and celebrating Thanksgiving and Christmas isn’t the same without him here. Plus, I feel so very bad that he is all alone on holidays while we get to be together. So with all of that I’ve been quite the mess lately.

So I’ve decided to make a couple changes. Things that I hope will make me a better person.

I can NOT take criticism to save my life. Sometimes I get defensive and then I end up coming off as rude or mean. Most of the time I take criticism very, very personally and end up feeling really bad about myself. I never really think that people are giving me criticism to help me in any way, but that they are just doing it to hurt my feelings or attack me in some way.

First skill I am going to “master” – 1. Learn to take criticism

Along the lines of criticism I also care very much what other people think of me. I suppose that is because I don’t have a very high opinion of myself to begin with, but I always think people are judging me. Even complete strangers. Every single time someone looks at me I think they are judging me. It is a huge part of the reason I don’t like to go out in public by myself because I feel like when I’m alone people will stare and think I am a sad person because I’m alone. Even if I’m out with people and somehow I end up at the table alone that’s what I think people are thinking. It is completely irrational and I know that, but it is how I think. Even with my own friends, if I get the slightest inclination that you could possibly be thinking something bad about me I freak out and I end up being impossible to be around because I get all wrapped up in the fact that you secretly hate me even if I know that rationally it doesn’t make sense. I think this is the one I am most excited to try and master. I think if I can get through this one I will come out a much better person.

Second skill to “master” – 37. Stop worrying about what others think of you.

And the above ties into the third skill I am hoping to “master” – 61. Don’t take things personally.

Anything that anyone says or does to me I take personally. That for some reason they are doing it to hurt me in some way. I do know deep down (really deep down) that people are not “out to get me” and that they are not living their life with the sole purpose to hurt or upset me. Even though I tell myself that “so-and-so” isn’t doing “x, y or z” to (insert feeling here), it always feels that way.

Wish me luck I think I’ll need it. I know these won’t be overnight changes, but I’m going to give them my best effort and see where it gets me. One thing my 101 list has taught me was to accept that failure happens and it isn’t the end of the world.

2010. It’s a new year. A new decade. A new me.

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